Update: Reflected Best Self
As you may remember, the instructions for the Reflected Best Self exercise included messaging 15 people to ask them for a specific instance of when they saw you being your best self. I sent out requests to a few extra, thinking that not everyone would reply. Seems I know my tribe pretty well. Of the 17 I messaged, 8 responded. Of those, 5 were able to provide me with specific instances. (Thankfully for the purposes of this exercise, one of those people provided me with not one, but six instances from both their own life and what they had seen me do for others.) The big surprise to me was who responded. Some people I thought would respond right away, didn’t respond at all (I was texting on Christmas Eve though, so I’m sure the timing wasn’t great for everybody.) And those that I thought almost for sure wouldn’t participate in this nonsense were the first to reply! For example, I took a chance and texted my ex-mother-in-law. I think she was the first to reply!
Of the situations that were reflected back to me, here are aspects of me being my best self:
My ability to take on a meaningful, but perhaps rather challenging, project and see it through to completion. From planning to execution, I put in the time. Examples given were my wedding, a crocheted Christmas tree skirt, and a mosaic tile grave marker for a friend’s beloved pet that had transitioned.
“Showing up” for a friend in a way they most need it at the time. Examples given were helping someone move, loaning money, providing room in my own home for them to stay, telling an offending party off when a friend was stood up on a date, and caring for them when they had drunk too much and were sick.
Letting my love for my daughter shine through even when I’m obviously “frustrated, exhausted, and overwhelmed.”
My endurance/bravery in extremely difficult times.
#4 is an especially difficult one for me to accept/process. I often feel so far from brave or heroic. Sometimes my depression keeps me in bed for an extra hour or more after I’ve woken up. I feel paralyzed when confronted by all the things I should be doing and my feelings of inadequacy to complete any of them well. (I hate that word—should. In fact, I try to eliminate it from my conversations with others; however, it still finds its way into my mental talk.) But I guess that’s the beauty of this Reflected Best Self exercise. It’s the best that others have seen in me at one time or another, so I will not dismiss their truth. I will graciously accept their observations and accept them as valid.
Which brings us to the last and most difficult step of the exercise: “Recognize what situations draw your potential forward; and consciously create more of those situations in 2020.” Since I’m having a challenging time thinking along those lines, perhaps it’d be more helpful at the moment for me to start with what that does NOT mean. The results from this exercise have not shown me that I need to start being a better cook (I suck in the kitchen) or become an inspiring triathlete if I don’t feel the compelling desire to do so.
Writing fulfills #2 for me. I show up for myself at certain times in life by writing. I put some of it, like this blog post, out in a public forum. By doing so, I’m showing up for myself, implicitly expressing that I have something to say that’s worth being heard (or rather, read).
So thank you, dear reader, if you’ve gotten this far.
~Scheffy