Using Human Design for Shadow Work
I’ve always wondered why I do the things I do — why I am predictably irritable and irrational in certain interactions and unpredictably emotional in others. I wondered why I had addictions I couldn’t seem to kick and why I couldn’t ever seem to be happy…with life…or myself…or others.
I was a sucker for personality quizzes and typing methodologies; I just knew that eventually “THE ANSWER” would present itself as to what was wrong with me — why I was the way I was — and, then, surely I would be presented with a solution of how to fix myself.
I was iffy on the whole idea of shadowwork — I mean, I already knew I was broken. I was very familiar with the dark parts of myself. So, if the only objective of shadowwork was to bring home the point of having a shadow, I was well-beyond that Gerber food. I was self-aware enough (notice the lower-case “s” in self) to realize that I did not always operate from a well-intentioned place of love for myself and others. I had no illusions that I was a faultless, altruistic individual.
The thing about seeking is that sometimes you actually find the thing for which you’re looking — or at least a something that re-directs you or points you towards a better understanding of what it is that you actually need. This is what Human Design was for me.
I had gone to https://www.jovianarchive.com/Get_Your_Chart, entered my birthday, time, and place, and after I clicked “Submit,” what I saw was a queer, fascinating diagram. The outline is that of a human body and overlaid on that is a maze of lines and shapes and colors.
It’s intense and you can easily feel overwhelmed — at least I did, anyway. Any Human Design reader will tell you the most important thing is to learn your energy type, which informs your Authority and Strategy, and I will not argue with that. It’s revolutionary to start honoring your authority and strategy, but once you feel comfortable with those basics, you’ll probably want to explore your “gates.” The 64 gates in Human Design get their basis from the 64 hexagrams in the I Ching; however, you don’t have to know anything about the I Ching or even try to remember from school long ago what a hexagram is (my brain has its own criteria for what’s important and what isn’t, apparently).
To keep it simple, just look at your chart and pick any number that is circled. You’ll notice that there is a colored line leading away from it. The line may be black (meaning that you are likely aware of this energy being true for you) or red (it’s more of an unconscious energy) or striped black-and-red (meaning it’s true for you on both a conscious and unconscious level). Okay, I am by no means a Human Design expert so I don’t want to get too deep into things on which I can’t speak intelligently. Let me just move on by saying that picking one of these gates at a time and researching it has been an effective shadowwork strategy for me.
The reason I think this works for me is because the very thing I see as a defect or flaw in my make-up can be seen as actually a gift through the Human Design lens and can be alchemized into a superpower. Each activated gate (which signals consistent energy in a particular area) has both low and high expressions. So, not only do I get so many ah-ha! moments that explain why I am the way I am (the fact I’m a projector explains why I need more sleep than other energy types), I am also faced with the empowering knowledge that these gates can be viewed as lights with a dimmer switch. A gate that is activated means that “light” is always on. There’s consistent energy/power there to fuel it. With knowledge, I am equipped to slide the dimmer switch to a “higher” expression.
For example, I have gate 60 activated in my chart; I feel the consistent urge to see evolution, growth, and change inside myself and in the world around me. This becomes shadowwork when I intentionally sit with this and allow myself to really see the times I resonate with this energy of Limitation in the lower expressions. This can feel like angst in my body and mental frustration with the roadblocks. I feel that progress is moving slower than molasses on a cold day. I whine, “Nothing is happening!” and every cell in my body is silently screaming against the stagnation and the perceived doldrum of life.
Shadowwork can include taking a look at what I do to try to “fix” instead of “allowing.” I can acknowledge that I can often turn this angst and unacceptance against myself in the form of an irate inner critic and against those I love by demanding more, always more. I may also want to “fix” it by numbing — whether with alcohol or relationships or mindless TV. Sometimes I try to fix the “problem” by manufacturing change with pure willpower— trying to force something to happen when the timing is not right and thus shredding my body and psyche in the process.
Turning the dimmer switch up to a higher expression can look like accepting limitations and allowing that even when things look to be at a standstill there are invisible powers at work behind the scenes.
So how does one find info on the gates? Super easy, my friend. You can type into your internet searchbar, “Human Design Gate ___(your choice)__.” There is a myriad of information on each gate detailed on personal blogs, Pinterest boards, YouTube videos, etc. There are also podcasts on Human Design (of which I recommend the DayLuna Human Design Podcast) and books. As far as books go, my strongest recommendation is Gene Keys by Richard Rudd. It’s a tome so I suggest purchasing the digital version for your phone’s Kindle app (that app is free for download if you don’t already have it). They make it easy to go to the Table of Contents and go directly to the chapter on the gate (aka, Gene Key) in question and read all about that gate’s expression on shadow, gift, and siddhi levels. I like using the digital version as well because I get to highlight the shit out of it in different colors and share the most dazzling gems that I mine to social media via the #kindlequotes feature.
I would suggest going slowly with the gates and taking one’s time with each one until you feel you’ve fully digested what it means for you and how you experience it in your body. That way when that all-too familiar feeling hits again, whether it’s the shadow of dissatisfaction, uncertainty, or fear — you’ll be able to pause and make choices to engage life in a higher gear — thanks to the work you’ve put into your shadowwork.
Published April 2, 2021 on Medium.com. Article viewable by clicking HERE.